When I was like 16, I accidentally came in my own eye (long range headshot). Realized I was allergic when it swelled shut. This was right before a family dinner. Told them I got stung by a bee... Mom made me carry an epi pen for a few years...

Worst I've ever heard of? I think I read it in a penthouse or playboy, but there was a kid in his family's 7 person van on a road trip. He was in the middle row, seated next to his grandmother. Everyone was asleep other than the kid and his dad, who was driving. The kid decides now is a good a time as ever to bust one out, so he whips it out and starts spanking the monkey. It doesn't take long for the kid to cum, but when he does, he realizes he has nothing to clean it up with. He puts his pecker away, but is still covered. Just then, his grandma wakes up and sees the kid and says " sonny, looks like you might be getting a cold. Look how much snot came out of that sneeze!" she then reaches into her pocket, grabs a handkerchief, and cleans up her cum covered grandson, none the wiser.

Stuff of nightmares.