I have autism and that's not easy in school. I was always the weird kid. I had no clue what the hell is going on and why people thought I acted strange. In middle school I didn't know how to fit in, all I could do was try to join others in what they were doing. As an autistic boy I didn't know how to ask or how to stand up for myself verbally. I just tried. If kids were playing football I just ran in and started kicking the ball as well. As you might expect I was bullied a lot. The thing I remember most vividly was when I was 8-12 and the school photograph came. most kids were already sitting so I sat down at the very end of one of the three benches. I was in the front row and some popular kid wanted to sit where I sat. They all started telling me to move but I wouldn't budge. This was my spot. This is when they started trying to push me off collectively. Black out. I'm in the class room alone. I'm super mad. A lot of screams outside. A while later the teacher comes in with the first kids who opened his mouth after they started pushing. Apparently I went full berserker on his face. For the next 2-4 years in middle school people didn't bully me much anymore. In fact I might have had a few friends for the first time in my life. Then highschool came. I went to a school for people who needed a bit more support developing so to speak. This is where I developed a lot as a person. All the crazy shit that happened there could fill tumblr for a day. I wasn't even bullied that much anymore. I made friends and in no time people started picking on one of them because this boy had a lot of strange twitches he did all day. One day people decided to get physical with him so I stood up for him because that's what friends do right? All of a sudden I was his distraction. He ran off and I took the beating. I hated my 'friend' so much for this I became the worst bully of them all. He must have hated his life those years because he wanted to be friends so badly. After that I never bullied again and didn't let anyone bully again if out happened around me. Now I'm here, in my room, postponing my assignments for uni, because I'm the bully of my story. I might have been bullied many years before I bullied and many years after I bullied, but I've never forgiven myself for making him go through something no should ever go through. I accept I did it, but I won't ever forgive myself for it.