I don't forgive him and I don't fully trust him again. His cheating completely screwed me over, mentally, socially, and financially. I "gave him another chance" because I'm broke and in an intensive graduate school program that takes up all of my time and energy. Also, I want revenge. Simply "breaking up" isn't enough. He bends to every single one of my demands, pays the rent, comes over a few times a week. We still have as much fun hanging out together as we always have, and now I get the immense joy of watching the color leave his face when he sees me texting a guy when we're in bed together, knowing he can't say shit. For now, the arrangement works. Why he sticks around I don't know, probably some combination of regret, guilt, and codependence. He seems to think I will cool down at some point and we will proceed as we did before, but there's just no way. I will leave when it's convenient for me.

Before all of this, our relationship was great. But when you lie to your partner, it's like smashing an egg. No matter how hard you try, beg, and plead, you still smashed the fucking egg.