Let me tell you a story.

I spent the years from twelve to forty two learning to and getting very good at drinking alcohol. I was a functional alcoholic for the years of say twenty-five on.

When I met the woman I eventually married, I decided to get sober - and did. I told her - I don't know what this will be like, but I'll try.

She was told and I was told - when you sober up don't make a commitment to anything for five years. My daughter arrived six months into my sobriety, I adopted her son (now our daughter - she's decided on that change and we're supportive and loving about it).

I lasted eighteen years. Our oldest daughter is away at university, our youngest is almost done high school. Neither has seen me ever have a drink and I won't for the rest of my life. But that's all I've got.

I've been in love once since I've been sober - with a woman I used to know - we started communicating about ten years ago and I fell for her. Since then she fell in love with someone else and that man died. Her heart is broken and I don't know if it will ever heal - aside from that - it's impossible for me to get to her - we live a thousand miles apart.

And my daughter (son) thinks I'm gay - due to some situation he found me involved in. That's an interesting turn of events, nothing wrong were it the truth, but it's not.

Anyway. I'm on my own, my wife and I are great friends. I broke her heart and I regret that. My children love me and I hope to really be in love some day, but I'm sixty two now and sometimes I think it's better if things just stay this way.