I kidnapped someone else and never went to jail for it, despite being caught. I don't know if this is relevant here.

When I was 20 I was married to a man about twenty years my senior. It was an incredibly abusive relationship. I had grown up in foster care and I think I was looking for a father figure. Anyways, he was an alcoholic, smacked me around a lot. I somehow got it in my dumb 20-year-old head - I was on a lot of alcohol and meth at the time - that if I had a baby that he would be nicer to me.

The problem is, I was born infertile due to a misshapen uterus. My birth mother was on drugs and I attribute it to her. One time when I was high, I got the idea that I could "take" the neighbor's baby and that it would be treated like my own baby. I know that sounds insane - now that I'm clean I can't imagine how that could ever make sense.

The neighbors were as bad as we were, to be honest. This was in a very rural part of Alabama. They made meth in a shed out back and the baby would just cry in the house, which was unlocked. Honestly... my "kidnapping" involved no guns or knives. I literally, in broad daylight, walked next door and took their baby.

I shit you not: For three days, they did not notice their child was missing. My husband acted weird about it, and of course he was high as well. He knew it wasn't my baby but was basically like, "okay, if you say that's our baby, then I guess it's our baby." I think he knew where the baby had come from. I named it August. I don't know what compelled me to name him August. I found out later his real name was Jayden.

Finally, three days later, the mother came over and just asked in this weirdly calm voice, "why didn't OP use a serious tag?" Long story short, drugs are no joke. She just took her baby back and I never got into any sort of trouble.