No light, it just felt as if the world around me shattered. Everything went dim, and as it happened, it felt like a tunnel was infront of me, the exit of the tunnel somehow moving away from me. It was dark in the tunnel, the light at the end wasnt normal, it did not enter the tunnel, it was just at the end, growing further and further away. It felt like if I let it get away it wouldn't come back, but it also felt like I didn't want to stop it, and I couldn't want to, like everything that was want was fading, and I felt myself fading, like who I am, and i couldn't stop it. There was this moment thats a blur, so I dont know if I let it get away or what happened but then suddenly lights and voices and people and I was alive.

Another time it happened, i was so hammered that I remember feeling tired, and even though people were moving my body and shit, and my mouth was responding sort of, I wasn't there, I was curling up and sleeping forever, and did just that. Then I woke up the next afternoon in a hospital with my mother crying. That was different sort of death, and i felt out of body for a week or two afterwards. Alcohol poisoning, hypothermia and total dehydration vs self induced heart attack.

The first one I felt aware I was dying and didn't want it to happen. The second was sort of an attempt to die, so I didn't even try to fight it, just wanted it to come.