We both cheated, together since 15. we were 16/17 at the time of the cheating and met online, not in person. LDR. She was very bad at communication in the first few months, constantly ignoring me. I tried really hard, and then I became paranoid. I was constantly asking if there was other people, she'd say no. But I'd see messages on social media, public, suspicious ones. I'd try and break up with her constantly, I'd type out long texts saying that this is it, I can't take it anymore. But I always ended up deleting them. One night I went to a party, my father was abusive so I got out of the house. I met a girl there, she was nice and we talked. We both got drunk and made out, I went home in tears and my father started abusing me again. I also sexted another girl who knew my relationship sucked, she'd tell me I was handsome and smart and that I was perfect and that she'd never ignore me. I stopped talking to the girl, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was self-harming and being very destructive, as well as failing school.
I planned to break up, again. But couldn't do it. Every time I would try and type it out, I would get a rush of feelings and wanted to stay with her. (Still 16)
She started trying harder after I broke down one day and said I need to leave if she doesn't do something. After I sorted myself out, things were going good, lots of communication.
Fast forward 2 years, we're around 17/18. We meet in person for the first time, it was nerve racking but great. She was nice and funny and we had a good time. We have visits a few more times after that.
Fast forward 1 year, after a visit she texted me saying she has something she needs to say. She admitted, for the first 3 months of our relationship she has sexted more than 3 other guys while we were in the early stages of getting to know each other. I lashed out completely and told her I knew, I knew there were other people and why would she lie to me when I asked? I had a very long cry. I wished she had kept it to herself, why bring up skeletons now?
We took a break for a few weeks, no talking. One night I asked her how she was, she said she wasn't doing too great and had a pretty big meltdown at work. I said I missed her too and that we needed to work this out. There were a lot of tears.
At one point, I wanted to tell her about what had happened when I cheated. Up until that point I had completely forgot since my abuse at home got worse. I had a huge breakdown and wanted to kill myself, I went to therapy and the therapist told me it was my decision. But I had let it lie for almost 3 years, was it worth it?
I decided that I was going to keep my skeletons to myself. I loved this girl and she loved me. I honestly think that she should have kept her cheating to herself. We were 16. It didn't matter, and then suddenly, years later it did.
Neither one of us has cheated since, sometimes I get very guilty and almost want to leave her for what I did to her. But I don't want to ruin what we have. We're in our 20's and will be closing the gap in a few years when we're stable. I don't want to ruin her/our life together for what a stupid little boy (me) did at his lowest point.
So there it is. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for listening, I love my chick to death and she loves me. I'm working through my feelings and trying not to punish myself for a mistake 5 years ago. Sorry this was so long.