We have some dear family friends that we've known for over 20 years who have, over the past 10-15 years or so, become VERY wealthy via the mom's career. But she's still the same super nice, kind, generous lady she always was -- just happens to have like 8 figures in the bank. Well, for Christmas this year, she bought presents for my children at Nieman Marcus as usual and also picked up a book called "This Little Piggy Went to Prada", which is full of nursery rhymes that have been rewritten to be funny for adults. Based on her personality, I can tell you with 95% certainty that she didn't actually open this book and look at any of the nursery rhymes before she bought it. Because there's no way. No fucking way.

This book makes me so angry. The nursery rhymes are the most offensively antifeminist Real Housewives horseshit I've ever laid eyes on. Name-dropping extremely high end brands (many of which I've never even heard of) while bitching about things like stretch marks and post-baby body image issues, and generally avoiding being a proper mother by spending husband's money on shoes instead.

One of the rhymes was about going to the doctor to see what can be done about stretch marks because they're so ugly lol lol lol ... one was about how mummy can't hold the baby when she's in her sky-high heels because she'll fall over and drop baby lol lol lol better get daddy to hold him instead. One was about drinking too much expensive champagne and getting the baby drunk via breastmilk lol lol lol.

I keep hiding this awful book but my daughter keeps finding it and bringing it over to me and demanding I read it to her. And she plops in my lap and I grit my teeth through "and this little piggy went to Prada, and this little piggy went to Cannes ... and this little piggy HAD A BIG FAT TUMMY HAHAHAHAHA".

I want to find who wrote this crock of nonsense and give her a good hard slap. She needs it.