Redditors who have "stayed together for the kids" how has that turned out for you and your family?

My father doesn't talk much when he is in the house. Most of the times he is here, he'll be watching a movie online or playing some random game. I thought he was an emotionless man who had no love for anyone.

As I got older I realized how horribly wrong I was. My mom cried a lot, complained a lot, and I had always thought it was because my dad was an asshole. No. It was the other way round. If we complied to the complaints and changed us to suit her needs she complained more. If we didn't notice her, and just went on with our work she would do something more drastic things. Suicide attempts, Leaving the house for a couple of days without informing a single soul. I do not understand why she needs to be the victim all the time, and I don't understand how she can turn blind to every single mistake she makes and turn everything against us with some flawed argument. Most of the times she would ignore the argument and take a completely off topic and tell us how she had sacrificed everything for us and how we are being ungrateful.

This vacation when I returned from my hostel I was in an emotional rock bottom. That was my penultimate semester, I had failed again, most of my classmates have already got placed in huge companies, me on the other hand couldn't even clear all the papers. All my other options were slowly fading on the background of my shitty curricular performances. And I was tired. My father gave the usual words of wisdom every parent would give, stop being depressed, if you just lay there doing nothing, nothing is going to change. And when i said i'll be okay in a few days he let me be.

My mom on the other hand kept nagging me, first there was 'stop being sad' paraphrased in different ways and everytime I would reply with give me some time to work it out she will remain quiet for 2 hours. A few days later I had been feeling a tad bit better and i was playing Pokemon firered to kill time, there were snide remarks about how i wouldn't have been a complete waste if i had just stopped playing video games, or if i just stop being lazy and get off the bed everything would change. I used to be a straight A student. And I hate myself for turning into whatever I am now. Her 'advice' didn't do anything. It just added on to the spiral of thoughts. The thoughts that make me hate everything about myself. And when the thoughts would leave she will be there with another remark triggering the spiral again. One morning things escalated and i threw my pillow at her telling her to leave my bedroom, as she stood there trying to argue about the 'advice' she was saying being taken the wrong way and how i am being an emotional asshat. And as soon as i threw all the pillows i had on my bed(not at her, at the walls of my bedroom ), she began her usual routine. She started crying, didn't eat that day till dad returned. Left to her brother's house after dad returned. Right now, I am fairly sure my mom's acquaintances and friends now see me as every bit of the 'villain' my dad is.

A few years ago I was in the living room when a fight broke out and for the word divorce was being thrown around. I was scared. I thought everything could get worse. Right now, I imagine how things would have turned out if that had happened.

Staying together so that the kids will have both of his parents and enough money to live a fine life looks like a noble idea. But the idea of separating comes because there is something wrong. And if whatever is wrong is going to hurt the kids or the family more than being separated, then it's not noble anymore.

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