Redditors who were bullied growing up, what effect has it had on your adult life?

Throwaway: I have no real friends. I will talk to people but never "open up" to them about my real problems because it makes me look weak and I'd bore them.

I don't see myself staying with my girlfriend forever, despite her being my first relationship and us lasting for 4 years. This insecurity has lead me to cheat.

I've moved jobs multiple times because I usually don't pass probation.

I was bullied in my first job by my CEO and by a member of staff that his his consent would whack me over the head with a metre's stick whilst picking up the phone - originally if I didn't pick it up after 2 rings but this gradually become a regular thing. I did eventually start to flinch after 7 months every time the phone rang even outside of work.

I also have body dismorphia and blaming "having no friends" with being fat. I was sexually assaulted once by a male friends older brother ( I am male ) whilst growing up. I was 8 he was 13.

I'm a heavy smoker, I use a lot of peds/steroids, I get pissy if I miss the gym. If I drink, I drink so usually abstain from starting because after 3-4 I say fuck it at have 10 or 15.

I blame being a fucking looser on being fat when I was growing up. My parents were older and never gave me much confidence. Dad always said It's too dangerous mother always made me do it anyway even if I didn't want, and upon reflect even if It was the wrong choice (I don't want to do football, I had no interest and the kids bullied me. But she made me do it anyway, so I'd just go disappear on my gameboy for 6 hours) and by the way you're a shit person because your older half sisters were never treated as well by your biological dad as you are.

Oh and I don't eat much. Or I eat too much. Everything I do is in extremes. There's no middle ground with me unfortunately. Either something bores me and I'm not interested or I want to be the best and get regonition for it - but I don't actually want attension from other people because that would just make me feel uncomfortable.

Basically I'm a fucking screw up.

/r/AskReddit Thread