Okay, I know so many people say something along the same line and it drives others crazy but: It'll happen when it's meant to happen...
Look, growing up I was a mess of anxiety and other less than savory aspects. I was over a hundred pounds heavier. I used to drink and do nothing more than play videogames near all day, everyday.
At this point I had just gotten used to the idea of women just kind of glossing over me as the big fuzzy funny guy that was funny but not worth dating, really.
I met a woman that loved me for who I wanted to and thought I could be. I shoved her away because I was entrenched in my way of thinking. That I wasn't worth it. That it wouldn't work. A million things because I was so out of my element...
You might well follow my trend right there. I certainly hope not.
Anyway, after I shoved her away, two years after thinking it over, I figured I needed to chase after who we thought I could be. I stopped my drinking. Lost a hundred pounds. Got my writing in order. My designs were a strong background plan -- I'm damned good at them, all without having tried much.
Long story short: I chased after nobody but my ideal self and over the course of improving I've turned down so many relationships and dates that were less than ideal. All of them with their own cute story. I remember loving the glances that women would give me here and there...
But then it's just a matter of chasing exactly what you like. You'll have their attention from the start. It'll make things so much easier and natural feeling.
You'll find someone when you're not looking for them.
Also, I recently broke up with someone I was super compatible with on paper and not so much else. I spoke about them, like you mention, out of wanting to believe the very words I said to them. That they were the love of my life and all that good stuff -- I was really just trying to convince myself. There's some of that, too. Not all of it, nor most of it, but some of it is just that.