Knocking stuff off shelves is for amateurs. I used to have to keep Steve out of the skillet whenever I was cooking on the stove.

He once ate three bacon grease-soaked paper towels and licked the plate beneath them so clean after I left it on the counter from microwaving bacon that my roommate returned the plate to the cupboard. For a week he was a walking Handi-wipe dispenser, as bits of bacon grease soaked paper towel would stick out of his ass every time he took a poop.

I would chase after him with a piece of toilet paper or Kleenex, grabbing hold of what was sticking out of his ass and he would just walk, leaving me holding digested/defecated paper towel remnant.

I miss him so much. He was the best.