Thinking vague thoughts like this is completely normal. I don’t necessarily understand the intense burning desire to run out, though. We all have but one life to live and everyone takes a slightly different path. Everyone misses out on everything else down every other potential path they could’ve taken. As long as you’re happy where you’ve ended up thus far, I see no reason to second-guess yourself.

As you’ve noted, lots of people would kill to be in your position to have found their life partner so early and built up a decade of intimacy with someone while many of your peers are still struggling to date, never connecting so deeply with anyone. Casual sex is overrated anyway, a consistent partner whose had the time to learn all your buttons and build up a deep emotional connection is way better. Especially as a woman, because an uninvested rando is less likely to care for your pleasure and the higher risks to your physical safety. Feeling comfortable, safe, and emotionally connected gives you more room to explore your sexuality with your partner than a stranger. You just have to open up those floodgates, if you want that.

I don’t think about the hamburger I passed up to eat pizza yesterday, because I couldn’t possibly eat both and the pizza was delicious enough I’m happy with the choice I made. I’m not going to think back ten years from now and be like “man, remember that time I chose to eat that pizza over that hamburger? I sure wish I could’ve had that burger… What if I had tacos that day? Or shrimp? Or shrimp tacos? Ugh, I missed out on so much!” If I had a burger, I’d probably just as much be wondering what-if about eating pizza instead. Then the thought would pass and I’d ask myself what’s for dinner tonight, because the present is what matters.