Ran out of one of my meds (effexor) a few days ago and let my anxiety keep me from going to get it refilled.

Today I'm feeling all the withdrawal effects in full force. Since waking up I've felt lightheaded and on the verge of blacking out and that made work absolute hell. Somehow did my work well and without anybody noticing anything off about me, but it was hell. After work, though, I was hit by a huge wave of extremely self loathing depression which culminated in me sobbing uncontrollably when Radiohead's "Creep" came on shuffle as I was driving home. The song's subject matter obviously fed my hatred but it also has personal connections to the worst part of my life.

Now I have strong urges to harm myself, often finding myself imagining grotesque ways of mutilating myself.

I can't sleep despite having taken ambien. I'm just stuck in this wakeful state of intense self hatred. Is it really wrong though? Someone as pathetic as me deserves to feel this way.