I think when you're someone like me, any job you get, is just waiting until you are let go. I'm locked into a job--i down mind the job--but I'm locked into it, and it seems like I'm just waiting to get let go. I'm just not the kind who behaves like he's supposed to. All the related jobs in my field are related to data analytics or some corporate mumbo jumbo. I'm not that intelligent. Im not complaining, but I'm just always waiting for something bad to happen. People generally don't like me. I'm a neurotic, anxious, adult male virgin.

I feel like a squirrel trying to harvest enough acorns before winter comes or something. Costantly thinking how long I could go without work. Thinking maybe life would be okay with some crappy job someone as incapable as me could get and living in a small apartment with my video games the rest of my life. Again I'm not complaining about it, I'm just stressed about it.

I constantly want more and more security.

I have little agency in this life. But still have it better than most, and am grateful. I think I'd rather live in a socialist democracy TBH. Someone like me, anyway. Think about that security--if you lose your job, everything will be okay. You get sick, it will be alright (well as alright as modern medicine can make it). The U.S. is great but the floor can get pretty low. I'm not saying socialist democracy is better, but for someone like me, I'd rather have a lower ceiling over a higher floor, I think.