Ok I know this is old and no one is reading but I need this in my post history to look back at someday... FUCK MODERATION. I can't even be considering going back to kratom 1 or 2 a week now, or weed for that matter, or alcohol, or ghb, lyrica, and especially meth. The honeymoon period with drugs was great, I learned a lot about myself, gained confidence, got a girlfriend, and it was at that point the therapeutic function of my drugs was OVER! I watched my life go from the best it's ever been, to feeling like I'm gonna lose all the progress I made, both mentally and financially, all because I made the easy choice. I knew I had gained my confidence and happiness back after the first withdrawal, so I thought eh why not add some drugs once in a while to the mix! I mean I'm cured now, and it's not like I'm using kratom, just METH and GHB! (And weed, it's even more insidious like kratom because unlike those other drugs it takes much longer to feel the negative effects) But they aren't opiates so it's not even the same thing! WRONG. I AM AN ADDICT. So I need to constantly be aware that I can go back down this road and feel this shitty (day 6 of kratom ct, day 2 of weed ct) by using any drug! There's no escaping this for me, I need to remember that once I feel better, and everytime I let myself get back to this point, not only is it gonna be worse, it's going to be a linger recovery, deeper depression, and a better chance I'll ruin all my support systems and things that make my sober life worth living so it will be nearly impossible for me to stop!! So it's really life or death, either stop now, and not for 150 days, but actually FUCKING STOP FOR GOOD, or repeat this cycle until you have nothing left to live for. Please for the love of god, if you're reading this after you reached sobriety and you're thinking of smoking some weed, or taking a spoonfull of kratom, remember that your ability to self regulate has been shot to hell by your years of addictive behavior, and you're literally taking a chance with your life just to feel a high because you want it NOW and can't wait for it to happen naturally (which at least for now, your not too far gone that your brain is still capable of producing those good feelings). So please I implore you, or anyone reading this, DON'T TAKE THE EASY WAY, it ends up being much much worse than any temporary depression/boredom/anxiety. Sorry for rambling I just hate myself for ignoring these conclusions and relapsing and experiencing this withdrawal. Hopefully this time I'll learn and retain this lesson, I'm so sick of the cycle of drug abuse.