I feel you. My boyfriend and I started using H a few years into our relationship. He died of an overdose 4 years ago. That sent me spiralling into a deep dark hole of depression and guilt. First I was using more - all I wanted was to die too. It got worse before it got better. It was actually my sub doctor who suggested I talk to my family doctor about antidepressants, she saw the trajectory I was on.

To be honest, I wasn’t doing dishes at home. Dishes were washed as needed. I would get up to feed my cats in the morning and then crawl back into bed and hide for the rest of the day. Remind yourself that it’s temporary. My OCD is back now and my apartment is spotless, but fuck man, let the dishes be dirty if that’s gonna get you where you need to be in 6 months. Find ways to be compassionate with yourself, even if you think you don’t deserve it.

I tried a few different combinations and doses until I found one that worked for me. I stopped talking them because my depression was caused by an event in my life and didn’t seem to be an ongoing chemical imbalance in my brain. I have no problem going back on them if I get the feeling something isn’t quite right.