So I'm pretty much friendless at the moment. This wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't have to rely on friendships to keep me up. My family isn't very supportive, with the environment at home not being very calm, and I feel depressed (although I sort of refuse to call it that as, although I kinda relate to a lot of the cases that show up on /r/depression, I seem to cope better, you know?).
The one group that seems to care about me is extremely judgemental of others and just acts overall juvenile, which is getting on my nerves, and then my other two friends are too busy being a couple (jk but they don't seem to have time for an extremely introvert close-to-100%-unknown guy like me). Which leaves me to my classmates and even teachers, none of them seem to truly care. They either don't acknowledge my existence at all, don't care about anything but grades (teachers) or even outright despise me.
I didn't do anything extraordinarily horrible but, in the past two years (I'm on senior high), I was (still sorta am but I'm getting better) clingy and I ended up being rude as a result of feeling angrily hopeless. I just did what I thought was correct or what I didn't realize was less right because of how I was feeling as a resort of being shunned for my insecurity. I had a "bad" thing happen to me 5 years ago which, even though in retrospective was stupid to be offended by such a trivial thing, still affects me psychologically. I'm extremely introverted and closed to people now and became immensely insecure about myself. I don't think I know myself or even have deep enough interests or knowledge to talk about with people, I just spend my free time on my laptop, with bad music listening habits and fragmented knowledge on things.
Anyway, I still have some of those people in my class and that's the thing... I don't know how to approach them, I don't know how to dramatically get better enough for them (and for anyone else in that school that look very cool and I'd like to meet). Despite having a strong dislike for everyone in general that composes my class and my school... I still love some of them. I wish I could do something about this ):