Relationship Thursday for January 31, 2019

My nephew who is a teen, but legal to drive, drink, etc, revealed to me that he is in a codependent (my word) relationship (though not exclusive, and not a "girlfriend", he considers her his best friend and she is sometimes with another boy) with a girl with borderline personality and that he is covering all of her expenses because she refuses to enter any kind of program for help or support for a variety of childhood traumas and depression. He has to report in to her about all of his activities (including taking a photo of me twice during our talk) to assure her of where he is, and who with, and when he is not immediately available to her she escalates it to threaten self-harm. She is cutting herself to the point where he has become traumatized by "holding in the blood" while they go to the ER, and he is terrified she will die. He admits its superficial (but bloody) and the ER doesn't keep her because, while dramatic, she is not actually in danger of dying. He is mad at the system for not "doing anything" while she refuses all services, and she seems to get what she needs emotionally from the drama more than anything else. In addition he is smoking pot constantly (Canada-it's legal) and admits to it impairing his ability to think. He is spending almost everything he has on her - including his tuition money and paying for her food, pot, smokes, and alcohol and she has been crashing at his apartment more times than not.

This has taken over his life and I can see he's so trapped. I don't know how to help him recover his sense of control and self outside of her. I'm mad my family and I "let" this get to this point, though I had no idea and I also know they have intervened with him and that is why he left home to live on his own.

/r/TrollXOver30 Thread