Reluctant

I would change that early line to: "Tonight, he was going to take her ass."

The reason is because it puts you into the man's subconscious, like a viewer. We become privvy to something stronger than even the man character himself can control. With it how it is, it just feels you as the writer are trying to help the reader get off. But the thing is in erotica the reader will get off more if he/she is inside the character's uncontrolled mind. And making every move along with them, as if the character cannot control it.

Just keep in mind now it reads, like this line is the writer trying to get the reader off. And feels like a bit of a cheap thrill.

Also-- Not sure of the context of this story, like where it falls in a greater story. But if she was so adamant of no anal fucking, why would she put herself in this position? So I was thinking something like, after the line "....his entire 8 inch dick into her bowels and fill them with his hot seed." Like immediately after that, part of the same paragraph, say something like "But it was his birthday. And she was his gift. She had no choice."

Also 8 inch dick would read better as "eight inch dick". I am a grammar nazi and you're supposed to only use numbers when referring to itemized info, like locker #451 or something more than 10, like 'it was the 57th time'.

/r/Rapekink Thread