You may be partially correct. Its hard to be just friends with someone you love, but I know we will never be anything more. Its an acceptance (part of the grieving process you were referring to, originally penned by elizabeth kubler ross) and that in itself IS me being honest with myself. Not contacting will only cause me further emotional pain and unanswered questions, followed by jumping to conclusions. Its difficult to explain to internet folk when they have never actually met you or understand your personal psyche.

Torture was when he and I were not talking. That was when I realized that I missed him as a person. Of course I missed the romantic aspect, but I truly missed him as who he is. That was the eye opener that we would never be but I still longed for his friendship.

I am friends with myself, she is the only one I have left and Im not going to give her up to anyone. I have not given him all my power, nor the full power of my happiness as I continue on with school and hobbies and my aspirations.

I am not so much scared as I am looking for assistance for a situation I have never found myself in and will probably never find myself in again. I know who I am, with and without him. I am fire. What I don't like is the idea of not having him be a part of my future. I want my best friend. Thats all we will ever be, I have accepted it with the truth of him finding his soulmate, and while it hurts to know this I can accept it despite still having unconditional love for him.

I am not beating myself up over it, but I want advice as to how to accept and deal in the moments.