I am new to the Reddit experience myself, but I find it amazing and grounding to find people that share similar life experiences. I've never had anyone to relate to in person. I've never known or even understood how to explain these feelings to anyone. My mom is white and my dad Mexican/ Puerto Rican. I was born and live in the U.S. I never knew how to refer to myself since latinx/ hispanic is not technically considered a race. I used to wish I was "biracial" with black/ white b/c I thought it would be easier to categorize myself and answer that stupid ass, God forsaken question, "where are you from?" I spent years trying to explain myself to people as if I owed them a reason why I look a certain way. I spent years (and still do) apologizing to people when they start speaking Spanish to me and I don't understand them. I've had countless racist white people tell me to go back to where I came from (I even had someone tell me, "you know I wasn't sure about you at first, but I really like you, where ever you're from don't go back you should stay here" it was a customer I was helping and my job was a few blocks from the actual hospital I was born in.) I don't blend in with white people b/c I don't look white. I don't fully fit in with Latinos b/c I don't speak Spanish.
I don't want to ramble about all my experiences I mainly shared this to tell you what changed for me. I stopped feeling like I owed anyone anything. Why does it matter? Everyone has family heritage from somewhere else these days. There are ignorant racist people everywhere. Their views and opinions have nothing to do with me. The only opinions I give a crap about are people already in my life. If I come across good people along the way, great. I have no time or tolerance for stupidity.
You've defined yourself by other people's hate and bigotry. Look in the mirror and love yourself. You are a good, loving, caring, and kind person. Your parents/ grandparents country of origin has absolutely nothing to do with your character. As for Racist pieces of trash, it sucks, but they have to live with hate in their heart not you. You need to work on your self esteem. Look in the mirror and find traits you like about yourself. Keep a journal or log of things that make you proud.
Something that has helped my daughter with her self esteem is keeping a daily journal and everyday answering: 1. What is something I liked about my appearance today? 2. What is something I did or accomplished today that made me proud? 3. What is something I am grateful for.
The point is to switch your negative self talk to more positive thoughts. When you have to take the time to actively think positive you'll start to do it more naturally over time.