Honestly...This happens to allot of people.

Some people spend decades with abusers. Or cheaters. Or have spouses that come out as gay, or spouses that just use sex as a weapon to get what they want.

Some people here spend even more years than you did trying to change their spouses into someone they can't be. They spend years and years trying to fuck someone that does not want them, even when it's plain as day that the situation is not going to change.

You should be proud of yourself that you left when you did, and had an amicable divorce, and that you share custody. Sounds like a healthy situation to me.

I wasn't lied to or used. But that doesn't change the fact that I spent my 20s and 30s in a DB. Regardless of why, I made the best decisions I could with the information I had at the time, and I was who I was at the time. Sometimes I feel very bad about it, but mostly I'm at peace with it.

Same with you. Ultimately you got along with your ex wife, you have two great kids, and you all sound well adjusted.

You may as well fantasize about winning the lottery. There's still a chance in hell that you'll win. That's absolutely zero chance that you can go back and change the past.

Good luck.