I don't mean to be blunt, but at this point I (or somebody else) should pass you off to psych services because you keep talking about suicide.
As much as I do sincerely hope you seek and find help if you are even remotely considering suicide, I personally don't believe that is the case.
What I am hearing from you is angry - probably rightly so - which isn't suicidal. You might be ANGRY at some of the restrictions on your freedom around suicide, but that is philosophical...
So, I ask again, "What's really troubling you?"
You can vent all you want, but anymore talk of suicide and I have to refer you on to whoever deals with that shit on Reddit.
I'm listening. What the fuck is up?