Riot Games to partner with South Park to create League of Legends episode

This was originally posed by u/Brokage back in April of 2015 in response to a similar question, and has been, by far, the most amazing thing I've read on this sub. Enjoy!

The correct answer is: Cartman on Cassiopeia. Kenny on Aatrox Butters: Elise Kyle: Taric Stan: EZ

The episode would start out with everyone except Cartman playing League. Cartman initially begins to play League and is shitty at it. Others make fun of him for being shitty. Then all of a sudden Cartman shoots up the latter and nobody knows why. Cartman becomes a rockstar of League and gets invited to play for teams. The more he declines offers, the more others become suspicious. Cartman, instead, starts streaming and "coaching" for large sums of money. His advice is terrible, and always wrong. Still, he insists "only a bronze wouldn't understand". South Park then hosts a tournament with a large cash prize and Cartman reluctantly joins. Instead of focusing on playing hard, Cartman flames, ridicules and intimidates the various teams he's up against. This allows Cartman's team to carry Cartman to the finals despite Cartman's terrible gameplay. In the final round, Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters face a Korean team. When Cartman goes to bully the Koreans, they don't speak English and so don't understand and aren't distracted by Cartman. Realizing his team couldn't carry him to beat the Koreans, Cartman covertly turns on the scripting program he'd been using to shoot up the solo queue latter. Kyle sees Cartman cheating, feels guilty about winning, and locks in Teemo support- hoping to give the enemy team the edge. Instead of feeding the enemy team, Teemo synergizes with Cassiopeia and Kyle can't feed hard enough to prevent the cheating Cartman from getting the win. After the match, the Koreans- through their translator- congratulate the South Park team by saying "your scripts are better than ours". At this point Kyle realizes everyone was cheating but him and is left feeling a mixture of bitterness, and embarrassment. Meanwhile, the tournament host presents the grand prize to the South Park crew. The prize turns out to be a couple of mouse pads, which was all that's left after paying for the staff, television crew, computers, and renting the venue.

The show ends after Kyle goes on a diatribe about how League tournaments are a scam, paying someone to coach you to do better in a video game that you play for fun is a scam, and that no one is playing League for fun anymore. Kyle goes on to conclude the people only play League to make money, or to feel superior to others. At the end of his speech, Ike asks Kyle if he wants to duo for fun. Kyle responds with a spiteful "fuck no bronze noob".

EDIT: Here you go, you filthy animals.

Randy, during this episode, discovers dating simulators. He discovers there's a character nicknamed "V" that no one has been able to bang and sets out to become the first to capture the "load screen". With mountains of charts, graphs and decision trees, Randy heads to an academic convention where he mingles with other academics that have devoted their lives to being the first to the V load screen. After the convention, Randy is approached by Chinese men in dark suits. The Chinese men invite Randy to their headquarters just north of Hong Kong. It's there that Randy discovers Pony Ma, the head of Tencent, is using League of Legends to power a super computer designed to recreate the mind of the average adult woman which would would provide the answers to unlock the V load screen. When Randy asks why he can't just ask a woman, Pony Ma chortles "And what will you tell her when she asks why you need to know the answers to these questions? Do you want to explain to an average adult woman that you're trying to have sex with a child in a video game?" "Of course not!" stammers Randy. "But we're not having sex with little girls, it's just a game!" "Yes, that is what we tell ourselves." says Pony Ma, as he begins to smile. "Team owners, managers, coaches, players, even streamers were all top researchers like you. They've all banded together in search of the V load screen. Now that our supercomputer is powered with millions of fans doing our work for us, we'll have the V load screen in no time. The fans don't suspect a thing." And with that exchange, Pony Ma invites Randy to give up his research and join Tencent with a guarantee to to be the second one to capture a V load screen. "The more people play League of Legends, the faster we'll get to have sex with little girls" screeches Pony Ma. Unable to accept second place, Randy refuses Pony Ma's proposal and vows to bring him down. The devastated Randy returns home and demands Stan stop playing League of Legends and forbids him from playing in the tournament. When Stan asks why, Randy shouts "Having sex with little girls is wrong, Stan. I see that now." As Randy storms off to stop the League of Legends tournament in South Park, the baffled Stan sneaks out to join his team.

Randy's efforts to shut down the League of Legends Tournament in South Park are in vain. He's quickly picked up by security guards and thrown out of the event. Back home, the defeated Randy is consoled by his wife, Sharon. Humiliated, Randy grabs his laptop and heads to the bathroom where he tries one last time to capture the V load screen. As he sits, he reads aloud the questions and options he sees on the screen. Sharon overhears him while walking by, and picks the answer she thinks is best. It works. Randy, realizes the answer Sharon gives woks and asks another and another. The questions and answers keep coming one after the other until finally, an exhausted, blissful Randy opens the door with his pants still around his ankles, gives Sharon a peck on the cheek, exhales "I love you, babe." and collapses on his bed. Moments later, in China, an assistant barges in to Pony Ma's office exclaiming "Sir, we've just received an email from Randy Marsh. It's the V load screen."

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