Ruining relationships with internet stalking

thank god I’m not alone in this lol. I have done worse stalking if it makes u feel better. But besides the stalking… sometimes you really do find out shit that you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t stalked. This isn’t to justify it at all. Stalking/lurking will never benefit a person. It will only lead to pain. Even if you feel you might find something. It’s just not worth it. If your gut instinct tells you that this person is lying then you should believe it. Personally I’d tell him that I don’t believe he’s not talking to anyone but I’d take it a step further and ask him to show me his phone - which you should not do because you just started talking to him and it will come off as controlling. But since you did find out he was lying… I’d say just leave him alone. He’s not worth your time if he won’t even be honest about a simple thing. He is NOT worth obsessing over. Trust me. He is just some guy. Been there done that.

Just try not to do it in the future. I know it’s way easier said than done and I myself am still trying to control my urges. what helps me is the fact that I know if I stalk it will just make me feel like shit and it honestly makes me feel like a weirdo. I’m trying to be a better person overall and those negative feelings surrounding me don’t do me any good so that keeps me from doing it for the most part. But if my boy gives me a reason to do it then I just say fuck it and do it and it never ends up well - and that is because I project onto him and my mind makes up things that aren’t true. Based off what I find on his social media. Like if he follows a new girl for example. I bottle up my emotions and eventually blow up on him over it and every single time he has proved me wrong and it has been shown that all my feelings were truly irrational. So really we just need to tap into that more. We need to take a minute to calm down and do figure out if our feelings and concerns are really rational or not - and we can discern this by comparing logic vs emotions. Hope this helps

/r/BPD Thread