I will be 100% genuine and transparent by saying that I’m being hypocritical with my Hangup on this. However despite being logical / rational and acknowledging that, it doesn’t make it any easier for me.

I’ve had a good amount of FWB (because I wouldn’t allow myself to get close due to the issue). I’ve slept with a decent amount of women now too (which I’m not boasting about - it was primarily a rough few months where I let my morales slip while drinking).

I say this because even finding a “lower number” didn’t help. I have read on the retroactive jealousy threads of people who are dating Virginia, yet their mind started focusing on “kisses” or something simple. And it eats them up as much as this issue eats you and I up.

That’s why I’m sold that it has to be some type of obsessional thinking and why I’m considering medicine - because logic, rational, online courses, therapy, counseling, and self development books still have not given me the progress I need. Sadly enough, I’m dating a woman who has been my female best friend for the last 15 years… my own best friend who I believed was my soul mate and yet I can’t let her “low or average” past go.