You're doing a fantastic job! I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend I tried my very best to accommodate his needs and emotions. It takes some hard work and patience on both ends, but it certainly facilitates open communication between us. I now can tell when he's having a bad day because he's craving it, and that's important to remember. She'll never not want it, even now after about 4 years of sobriety, my boyfriend expressed that not a day goes by that he does not want it. This stress causes my boyfriend to be very stressed and short with those around him. However, it is pertinent to understand when you should be taking their anger personally and when it is because they're having a bad day. It can be very difficult to accept, especially when you care about them. I allow him and encourage him to speak freely about his feelings, past experiences, etc. even if it is difficult to hear. This openness we have established has only strengthened our relationship. He knows he can tell me anything and vice versa.

Secondly, I would encourage you not to hold her past against her. This is also something she has to accept herself, and accept the past and use those experiences to better prepare for future endeavors. But, if they continue to believe they are the same person as they were in the past, they will be burdened by their past selves, instead of embracing their clean selves in the present. My boyfriend's parents still call him a junkie and treat him quite badly because of who he was, which results in him not being confident in himself to do anything good. This is where the SO comes in. Be their friend, sometimes they can't make you a priority because everything else is too much. Listen without speaking, let her regurgitate what is bothering her. She'll be able to better organize her thoughts and emotions, thus preparing her for when this happens again in the future.

As for you and how you're feeling, I totally understand the concern you are expressing. Learning to accommodate them can be difficult at times, especially when you are used to a lifestyle that can be a detriment to their sobriety. Talk to your friends, tell them that you care for her, you want her to become more integrated in your life, but that will only happen in a sober environment. If they are your friends, they'll understand. Use your friends to your advantage, talk to them about how you're feeling about the relationship, and how it can be stressful to be sober when they're all using so regularly. I'm sure if you continue to keep an open dialogue with your friends regarding your boundaries, they will be there for you and help you out when things get rough. As your friends, they should be there for you if you need a serious talk, or a night away from your girl if things get too heavy.

Be there for her, man, as her boyfriend, but also as a friend. Let her know she won't be judged by you, that her sobriety is, and should be, her top priority. Let her know that, no matter what is happening, you'll be there. We'll never be able to stop how they feel toward heroin, but we can continue to encourage them, love them, listen to them, and help them recognize their worth.