I had three best friends from when I was really young up until like 8th grade or so. One of them had a nervous breakdown, took a year off from school (social anxiety, severe OCD, aspergers). Another (later diagnosed with NPD) abandoned me to be a cool kid. The last one, my best friend and essentially my twin brother, moved away, came back, and we went to high school together for a year. He had severe ADHD (like me, but I have BPD as well), and he got deeply involved in drugs during freshman year. Mainly weed, but it just led to him being an unproductive person. I tried to get him to stop. I begged him, told him he was going to get arrested or some shit like that. Sure enough, he gets into a fight during a school sporting event and fucks up his shoulder, gets suspended, school finds his stash of weed in his locker, and combine all that with his 1.5 GPA (he actually has a high IQ, just as I said didn't give a shit), the school kicked him out. I got so pissed at him. Its been several years now, and I still haven't fully forgiven him.
The guy who had the nervous breakdown, I've barely talked to in recent years just because of the vastly different paths we've taken and the fact that he doesn't own a cell phone. I don't blame him for what happened, but it still sucks to lose a close friend of yours.
The guy with NPD ended up crawling back to me last year, after finally "realizing" that trying to be cool wasn't worth it. I started forgiving him, sent him a birthday text, and he ignored me. I've tried talking to him, but he hasn't gotten back to me in months.
My best friend, he got his shit together for the most part. He's still a tormented soul, but he is doing better now. But for the life of me, I can't forgive him fully. I begged him to lay off the weed. I begged him to try and do well in school. I just can't seem to forgive him, no matter how much my heart says forgive him. He has reached out several times. We always talk. We always say,"We gotta hang out. We gotta go to a Yankee game. We gotta go to a movie." But its been years now, and I still haven't made plans with him. Maybe we go to a Yankee game in a couple months.
It sucks. Since I lost all three friends roughly around the same time, I haven't been truly close to someone for an extended period of time. The closest I've ever been to someone was my last ex, and we lasted only like 3 months before she dumped me because I'm too much of an emotional roller coaster. "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"
Sorry for the text post bomb