I feel lost. I have a decent GPA, a 3.8w, and good test scores, top 5%. According to the ACT I am definitely ready for college. I have no idea if I'm ready for college. I'm lazy, and my grades have dropped, hard from what they once were. In 6th grade I was taking literally the hardest classes I could, and had all As. I'm taking the hardest classes I can now, but my highest grade is a C. That C is a 70, the lowest a C can possibly be. My lowest grade is a 44, in a math class. Definitely an F. I don't know if I'll have 4 math credits. If I don't end up passing the class, and don't have a 4th math credit, I won't graduate high school. I also won't be able to go to college, where I've already been accepted into, in 2 schools, that both look great. I want 4 math credits, I want to go to college, and live life. But if I don't pass the class, I can't. I see no path though life except not living if I fail. There are only 2 tests left. I have to make an 80 on both. My test average is a 44. I tried to study for the last one and got a 48. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

Also, socially, I'm useless. I can't talk to people, even though I want to. I just don't know how, and the trial and error it'll take for me to become normal isn't worth it for me to become normal. The thing is, I'm not a freak, I'm not weird, not in the way people think of with the word weird. I'm just withdrawn. Very, very, withdrawn. Other people are happy, and talkative. if I was weird, different, I would be OK. I would own it. I'm just not different enough to be distinct, while at the same time being far from normal and drifting farther from it every day.

In addition, I get 3-5 hours of sleep each day, and am too tired to do anything, save play video games when I get home. I fall asleep due to exhaustion multiple times a day, and usually sleep ~2.5 hours every day, at school. I've been late to class many times because of it. I get dirty looks from people, teachers especially, because of it.

I just suck in every way possible.