I really don't agree with that first paragraph. For some or even many it may be true, I haven't witnessed enough situations like that to know for sure, but I bet for some it is not at all an attempt to obstruct as you put it. Neither do I think you have the right to just disregard all of their emotions.

From what OP wrote, it sounds to me like her wife took it as a sort of death of the person or breakup with the person she loved for many years. (Of course I don't know how good their relationship was before that, but I guess it was loving from the wife's side) Most people would act irrational and more than emotional in such a situation. Of course this doesn't excuse her behaviour, but makes it more understandable. She must feel shocked beyond imagination, especially if OP really expressed her thoughts about this topic before, sad and devastated and also hurt. To just disregard that is cold in my opinion.

I do fully agree with your second paragraph. And I hope OP will do great in the future. Also all my best wishes to her.