Saw this in my newsfeed

You should always carry matches and a lighter, for safety in case you get lost! I was a boy scout and I know wilderness survival. You are in a concrete jungle, after all! And just so that you know, lumber is not the only flammable item at Lowes. Lowes does have sprinklers, which will douse everything in water unless the spigot is turned "accidentally" turned off, "accidentally" ... yeah, that's the ticket. An accident. Ask one of my former associates where the lines are. Painted bright red. Normally you would be treated like a dead raccoon and avoided, but if you wave a box of matches around, some of them will smile dreamily, and then they are caught. Dead people don't smile, unless they are managers - then, it's the smile of the crazy or the damned. Cabinets, lumber, cardboard and paint chemicals could be highly flammable - if the sprinklers are accidentally off - and if someone clumsily dropped a match, or a lot of matches, on the right items. So - for safety - it would NOT be a good idea to light a match in there, or splash BBQ fluid everywhere with handfuls of briquettes. That would be dangerous! Don't do that! And avoid open flames on or near those wooden pallets and cardboard boxes. Safety first! And if you need help carrying items through the store - like lighter fluid, briquettes, and a lot of cardboard, plus lawn torches - Lowes associates are glad to help! Why, some might even help demonstrate the usefulness of those nice items. I was always one missed break away from duct tape and rope ... I ... I mean, I worked next to the department that carried those items. Yesss, my precious. Worked next to those places. Wasn't anywhere near where the fire started. No, we wasn't! You believes us, yes?

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