SCP Mad Libs

Item #: SCP-235467-J

Object Class: Holy Shit

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-235467-J is to be kept in a pasta-lined containment chamber located in my basement, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 lumberjacks armed with toothbrushes.

In the event that SCP-235467-J ever begins sucking its foot, Your mother is to lactate SCP-235467-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force omega-7 (''Rick and Morty'') is to be dispatched to SCP-235467-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-235467-J is a sweaty pussy. Like most members of its species, it is able to Fucking racoon, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pasta each day.

SCP-235467-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with boxes, which causes it to turn into inflatable castle. Whenever this happens, all ducks within a 56754 kilometer radius will begin to walk uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nicholas Cage. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-235467-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-235467-J was first located in Cuntsville where the Washington Redskins were using it in order to obtain all the cookies. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force omega-7 (''Rick and Morty'') was able to recover the object with only 4564655645464564573745747546354687548035 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 235467-1

Dr. hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr hitler, and I am about to test SCP-235467's reaction to handle. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Sauce?

Dr. Sauce: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the handle to 235467... hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Sauce: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it... MEIN GOTT! MEIN nipple! IT'S GOT MEIN nipple! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 235467-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

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