Screening for a partner that has a good relationship with their family?

I feel like I’m your ex. Not so much drugs and addiction, but my family was pretty fucked up growing up. We were poor, both my folks worked at least two shitty shift jobs most of the time, were always getting laid off. My mom had a serious eating disorder and was in treatment a few times, and I’m pretty sure my dad strayed a little, though I don’t know for sure. The result was that I was alone. A LOT. I was an only child growing up in a dangerous neighborhood with absent parents. Looking back, I now realize why a couple of my friend’s parents always insisted I stay for dinner: they knew I probably wasn’t getting a warm meal at home.

Now, my dad is gone and my mom is sick (part of which is her own doing). I never had a big family; I keep in touch with an uncle and my mom. My relationship with my mom is tenuous at best, and downright destructive at worst. I turned out pretty okay, considering, though years of therapy is to be thanked for that. Still, though, I have a history of clinical depression and anxiety that sometimes get the best of me.

Every man I’ve ever dated seriously has been aware of my family situation, and those who’ve made it to the “meet the family” stage have tried extra hard to integrate me to their families and, let me tell you, it causes the most confusing emotions. Being at a family gathering with a healthy, happy family who accepts you is next level shit. But it’s also made me sad from time to time, as I regret not ever really feeling that sort of joy until I had in-laws or a partner’s family to feel it with.

I guess at this point I’m rambling, but those of us with fucked up families aren’t all bad, and we are incredibly thankful, humbled, and joyous when we get to be a part of one of the good ones.

/r/datingoverthirty Thread