Hi,thanks for sharing.I have to answer your post immediately as you have said things here that need to be discussed.I am to assume your relapse just happened?What you are feeling is perfectly normal,in fact,if you took a cavalier attitude about your fall i would be concerned.Last week,my friend,i walked right out of almost 4 months of hard-mode.I won't get into specifics but i had t myself up a week or so before.originally,i got onto this board because,as a Christian,i was under deep conviction that porn was wrong.i saw it slowly beginning to become more imprtant as a coping mechanism.of course,by porn i mean PMO.my original prayer was to beg for deliverance from porn.MO had to go as well as i almost always wanked to porn.i found this sub by God's grace and put together 109 days hard mode with very little effort.at 109 days i decided that my real problem was porn not fapping so i broke my streak with nofap and felt no regrtet.a week later i began to feel that i needed porn to deal with my ED and two nights ago,against my better judgement,i tried to MO to porn and deleted 117 days in a matter of minutes.Yes,i feel sad,but not condemned,because i know my God died for losers and failures like me.He knew this would happen when He went to the cross and died up there for me (and you) anyway.There really IS no condemnation for us that are in Christ Jesus,Roms.8:1 Look at you relapse as an exercise in discovery,you have learned more about yourself but more importantly,more about God's redemptive love. We all know what you are going thru in here,most of us have had to fall and get back up many times.Even though this was my first time,there are no guarantees it was my last.One ing i DO know,God will never leave me or forsake me.If He loved me enough to die for me,what can i do to chase Him away...He is NOT disappointed in you,YOU are disappointed in you and that's ok.I am disappointed in me,too,but not surprised...i had become careless,almost presuming on His grace,it had to finally happen.The Lord loves His sons and daughters and chastens those He loves.Don't despise the chastening but thank God for it,for by it you are learning the rod of correction...no correction is pleasant at the time but will yeild good fruit in do season.Let the Lord love you,bro.let Him pick back up in His arms.If you allow the enemy to cause you to start condemning yourself you will very possibly give up and binge...i know folks that this has happened to from this ub that never came back.I pray for them...that they will be drawn back to the lovingkindness of our God.He cares for us more than we will ever know.Our mistakes should only teach us more of how absolutely awesome this love is.Read Ps.51.Thanks for sharing,now get back on a streak and lean on the everklasting arms.Be strong,you are loved:)