I'm 16, I've been going to a therapist since I was 12 on and off, things aren't really helping.
I'm afraid if I open up properly I'll get hospitalized, and even emergency appointment waiting times are generally months long. (Though perhaps I shouldn't worry; I have had friends who've made their intentions to kill themselves clear but weren't taken seriously because they weren't deemed enough of a threat to themselves. CAMHS sucks.)
I think most of what is holding me back is that I'd be ashamed if I woke up after taking stuff.
I understand you're trying to help, and I really appreciate it. Sometimes I suspect I'm so far gone I can't be helped.