The Secret of Success from the Perspective of the Rich, Middle Class & Poor [OC]

I have worked full time (and often more than full time since I was 14). I can't relate to my wealthier peers who grew up worrying about swim practice, which college they would get in and how hard they'd study for the SATs. This is hard work, this is stress and I understand why years down the road the thought that you might have just been lucky would infuriate you. I worried that my teeth would fall out before I could save up enough money to go to the dentist, that the piece of shit car I bought after walking three miles a day to work, rain or shine, would break down and I'd lose my job, my home- everything. I remember forgetting my pencil, the teacher offering to lend me one, if handed her my shoes.... I contemplated just walking out and failing the exam because I could not bear the thought of handing the woman the same shoes I had worn for two years- work, school- everywhere...for the whole class to see the state they were in. But I told myself that school was my way out. I laughed at myself, when everyone laughed at my curious habit of wearing these shoes as tattered as they were. I imagined we were the same when we spent late nights studying for our AP exams even though you studied for three straight days. And I studied around my work schedule. I was happy for you, when your college acceptance letters came in, even though I was starting to understand we were on different paths. I did not smile because I was ashamed of my teeth but I was excited for you and I even sympathized when you complained about your braces and retainer. I was certainly a little bitter when I watched everyone leave our hometown for their bright new futures, because I knew that even though I got the same grades as many of you, I simply could not afford to leave. I wanted the new iPhone and the abercrombie shirts, everything you wanted. So I don't resent you for sweating the small stuff I mean that was high school right? I even knew the happiness of the acceptance letter, I knew it when I turned on the light switch and they came on, when I turned on the shower and the water was warm, when I would wake up and not have a throbbing pain from a cavity I could not afford to fix. I knew this happiness when the teeth finally fell out. But I went to work everyday. I studied everyday. I worked hard. For a long time I got nowhere but eventually I was given a break, a decent paying job that helped me slowly climb out of the life I was living and go to school. I'm 27 now and I still worry about finding the time to do my homework so I can finish my degree. I have to remind myself, what it must have felt like, when you offered me a ticket to your graduation and I agreed to go only to cancel the day of. One of four tickets, you remind me still sometimes, to watch you walk and you'll never understand how grateful I was to be worth that to you because I was never worth this to anyone. I was so happy for you. For me even. You'll never understand the sadness that came over me and made me stay home that day, how it dawned on me in my car on the drive there that I'd watch everyone walk off towards their future and leave me behind once again. I'm still sorry about this because it was selfish. I cried for myself. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I might someday be able to have kid, a family of my own that no one will take away from me, and give them the life you were happy to leave behind. If I'm lucky.

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