I am an INTJ and my partner is an ESTP. He may not publicly air his grievances but these are the recurring issues that come up in regards to how he perceives interaction with me:
I don’t emote, so he has trouble determining how I feel about something, about him, about someone else, or just in general if I am happy, upset, etc.
I overrule his hair-brained, spur of the moment plans. This comes up usually when he tries something like rearranging the living room without giving me notice after I’ve already spent hours going through all the possibilities deciding in my head where everything should be. Mainly, he doesn’t see that I’ve already planned everything and I need it to be the way I’ve planned, and he likes to throw everything in the air for fun and see what happens.
I make him feel stupid. It’s not intentional, it’s just that I think things through thoroughly before I am ready to discuss it, and he talks openly without having already thought it through. I also don’t talk as much, so my words generally bear more value than his especially when in a group discussion, and he finds that irritating sometimes, especially when he really is on the right track but people don’t take him seriously because he does talk a lot more.
I don’t love him. That’s not true, obviously. I do love him, but he sometimes interprets my distance and coldness as a lack of love, which, honestly, of course that’s how it looks from anyone else’s perspective but my own. I have had to work hard to be more reassuring, physically close, and verbally affectionate.
I am often distracted. He will want to spend time together, and for me, spending time together could be sitting in the same room doing separate things and not even talking to each other. Or my mind might just be somewhere else entirely and I’m not focusing on whatever we are doing. He often wants more of my attention than that, which is another thing I’ve had to work to correct, but he has also gotten better at understanding that just because my attention is directed elsewhere, it doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying being together.