United States Armed Forces "Deconfliction phone line to Russian Forces

Combined Air and Space Operations Center

Forward Central Command Headquaters

al-Udeid Air Base in Qatar

Lt. Colonel Thomas J. Hoffaziel

"Hey Vasili?"

Майо́р Vasili Romanov

"Da, Tom?"

"Look I don't want to get into that whole with Assad an-"

"Tom, we have been over this. Assad's handling of the protests has indeed gotten out of hand an-"

"Yeah I don't have the time for that bullshit. We are calling to let you need to get your people out of Shayrat air base now."

"Вот дерьмо! Now?!"

"Yes. NOW"

Romanov puts Houffaziel on hold. Returns quickly

"Tovarich! Thank you so much! You did it! Our people owe you their lives!"

"No Romanov, we did it."

Houffaziel takes a moment and then like a puppy seeking affection asks

"Hey Romanov?"

"Da, tovarich?"

"You would tell us if you, I dunno know, bombed a facility that was stockpiling the sarin gas used to kill Syrian civilians in an attempt to cover up a state-sponsored massacre, would you?"

"Of course, tovarich!"

"Thanks, bud"

End of Phone call. Romanov turns to another Russian military official

"This is great. We keep trolling them!"