i'm going to agree and go off on a ramble, bear with me..

i've observed people with severe social anxiety, the linearity of the inner monologue that goes on in their mind seems to allow them to push through the eye contact/conversation with greater ease. the voice in their head isn't interrupted by a constant explosion of new ideas and impressions. they can say out loud what they're thinking, and this carries the conversation through time.

the inner monologue of an autist doesn't work the same way. if you were to record it on paper, it might look like a page of non-related paragraphs. this is a common theme among autists, that we often have the urge to tell people random tidbits of information, that we feel are so important that we must share. usually when this happens, the person just ignores me, until i communicate in the way that they want me to communicate with them. that is not how they converse, and that is not what is natural for them. but it's in my nature to converse like this and while i've been aware of it for years and have tried to change, my inner nature doesn't always let that happen.

having said all that, it should be clear why the autist and the NT are going to have communication issues. the autist is trying to make "the piece of paper with his inner voice written on it" readable and socially acceptable to the NT, all the while trying to keep up with and decode the NT's externalized inner voice. all of this takes time. this is why it's easier to concentrate when we look away from eye contact, because there's less input, so we are freeing up time in the mind to allow us to keep up and follow what's going on. sometimes i have to simultaneously listen and remember what the person just said, because i either lost focus for a split second or i forgot and have to remember. while all of this is happening, there is a building anxiety because of how unnatural and forced it is. how can you be a fun, creative person when it's literally homework just to translate what the person is saying while simultaneously providing output to keep the interaction as smooth and stable as possible.

i have no problem making eye contact with fellow autists. they also require extra time to process stuff, so there is a subconscious, mutual understanding and acceptance of each other. i always feel a sense of space when i make eye contact with another autist. i feel like i'm free in my mind, while also in the presence of another human. they have a mental lag about them that gives me time to breathe while in their company, and this allows me to express myself in a creative manner. i'm sure there are other mental illnesses out there similar to autism that cause people to behave like this, so i don't want to exclude anyone.

so while social anxiety can be a huge factor, it doesn't seem to be the cause, otherwise why would i feel so anxiety-free while in the presence of like minds? some days are probably extremely high on the social anxiety scale though, and does not discriminate who i feel socially anxious around.