Yeah I'm getting there. Baby steps. Taking it slow is the best way to heal. But I don't want to feed his ego anymore by fighting so hard and giving in so much. I don't know. Only time will tell I guess. I try not to get too wrapped up in the "what ifs" but it is frustrating knowing that things could be different if only this or if only that. And I just have an overactive imagination- I'm a daydreamer, I can't help it. I know I can't change things like age but I wish those things didn't matter as much as they do. I don't have a problem with the age but he does and it drives me crazy!! I do accept it for what it is and I try not too think too much anymore. He's just a complicated guy and even though he has a girlfriend sometimes I think I'm the only one who really cares about him in the way he needs someone to. I'm a very passionate person and I'm not afraid of being vulnerable and open and letting my emotions come through, and that scares him. He tries to tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm crazy because I overreact, and yes sometimes I do get a little bit dramatic when I want attention, but I don't make excuses for myself and I admit when I go a little too far, but I've also told my friends the exact things that he thinks are "too much" and we're pretty much all in agreement that nothing I've ever done qualifies as crazy, it's just what people like me who are very in touch with their emotions, have a lot of empathy, and have a lot of passion would do for someone that they really care about. I just don't think he's used to that and maybe he thinks he doesn't deserve the amount to which I care. He's told me before that I deserve a really great guy and all those things. I just wish he realized that if he'd let me in and talk to me I could handle the bad so much better but there also wouldn't be as much of it, because even if I do deserve better and I know I do, I still want him. I don't know. I can't make him realize that, he has to do it on his own, I just don't understand how he doesn't see it.

Don't think too much about the future. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." I used to be like that and my life has become significantly better since I've just let things run the course that they're intended to. Good luck with everything. If you ever need to talk I give pretty good advice, and I'm also a good listener.