A shitstorm of factors beyond me and the 'what have you done for me lately' philosophy. Also probably my race, in which I don't have one.
I'm a good guy. Perhaps the perfect guy in all areas. If I had a video game graph, I'd be level 100. I'm the guy who's made friends with almost every race and religion, has no bias as far as being a homer and can get along with anyone. Unfortunately when you do something to destroy your reputation around your young peers its hard to recover. Not for me but for the people around me. What Ive done is basically what an alpha male would call 'fucking a fat girl'. Keep in mind my ex gf is curvy. They tell me all the time 'dude you can get hoes man' but Im just not that guy. Also, the girl of my history of the world until the end of time might be afraid of me in many ways. God in this age puts people off and yeah im one of those born again types by reremembering myself and what ive been through. So in preaching and being non asian and also being poor I kind of cant do anything but work to defeat those odds. Lets just say something happened to us that hasn't happened naturally in two thousand years. Its hard to let go because anyone else would be settling. I make it worse by being in a mild depression. Ive regressed all the way to living with my mom in a small apartment. Thing is, i have many talents and not just a jack of all trades master of none. People think there is two of me but there is also a lot more to me than this status ive only been in for the passed year. The only thing I really can do right now is enjoy life and ive been doing that in the way I can. Theres really no way I can have a family with anyone else and that is a dream/vision/prophecy of mine since ive i was little. With all of this, it seems like force which is unattractive. We used to like each other immensely, her friends say I've changed, i say everyone changes. I dont know, sometimes I think about suicide not in a sad i hate my life context. But because I have no purpose if I can't achieve this. Life is so simple for me and it seems like everyone else thinks im complex or I have problems. I see a beautiful life with her and i think people are making her see something false. To each their own.
Tl;DR
Imagine you take a year off to analyze your past and choose a girl that is perfect for you. You want to make sure. You find out that this is no ordinary relationship. All your attempts at communication are blocked for years now. You've written letters, social media, nothing is getting through. You have social problems, as in not you but there is a stigma hanging around everyone. What people don't realize is that past a certain age you grow tired of socializing. Too many live in the now and don't think ahead.