[Serious] Bullies of reddit whose victims committed suicide, how did it affect you?

I was 14, female, and I'm short. Had a guy who was a junior slap my books out of my hands and get in my face, calling me names and shoving me. I had friends all around me see it. I was terrified. This was right after Columbine and our school had a strict no bullying policy, right? Report harassment immediately.

So I went to the office to fill out a report. The secretary said, "Who? Jeremy? He would never do that. I know his mother. You must be talking about someone else."

The student office aide reacted the same way. My friends who were there were just as shaken up as I was. I could barely talk, I was so humiliated and upset.

The secretary told me I shouldn't bother the principal. Took the form I filled out and I'm sure threw it away or hand-delivered it while complaining the whole time about me being a bad kid and this football player being a good dude.

High school was rough for me. My house was tense and shitty. School was tense and shitty. I usually slept through class because I didn't sleep a lot at home.

Mental illness and/or abusive behavior runs in my family, so that suicide sadly also runs in my family. I made an attempt when I was 16, and afterward my mom told me she thought if she just kept it from me it wouldn't effect me.

Fast forward 15 years, I'm great. I've worked really hard to get where I am. I don't have hatred or blame for those kids. They were going through their own stuff, I was mean to a lot of people too. It's a small part of my past now.

But man. The school did not help me. At all. There were good teachers but the administration as a whole was overworked and not reliable. My parents didn't help either. My older brother encouraged me to attack one of them--just one, he said, and no one will mess with you again. Really go nuts. Jump on the guy, bite him--you're still a minor and you can't get in that much trouble for it, he said.

I was too scared to get hit though. I thought he was wrong too, I was afraid if I crossed that line I would really open the the floodgates.

I wish I had a profound note to end on. Bullying is complicated.

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