[Serious] Bullies of reddit whose victims committed suicide, how did it affect you?

This happened last year during my senior year of High school. I'm not the bully but I continue to feel at blame for not noticing the signs. She was an ex girlfriend but we continued to be distant friends, she was bullied at school, and her home life was strict. She cut and was always depressed, but she never mentioned ending her life. when we were together it was really hard to make her smile and I ended up getting pushed away from the relationship. Fast forward a year later I was walking around the hallways during passing period and I noticed her with the gloomiest face I've ever seen her, normally I stop to catch up with her because I loved her and cared about her regardless of what happened, but I quickly turned the corner and went on with the day. I come to school the next day sitting in math and one of my friends turns to me and says "hey man, did you hear what happened to your ex?" I say no and ask what happened. "She sat on a train track and let the train hit her". I was In disbelief cause I thought it was a bluff or some joke from a bully. Then my teacher comes in and tells everyone to be quiet because we've lost a student. And he reads out the email informing everyone of her suicide. My heart sank as tears filled my eyes as I sat there at my desk in disbelief, I got up and left. I feel like if I hadn't avoided her the day before and given her a hug or at least smiled at her or fucking something she'd still be here and eats at me everyday. I knew her parents very well, and at her funeral her mom looked at me and said "thank you so much for being here, she loved you so so much" and I just lost it. I have yet to see her parents because I feel guilty. I would lose it again.

/r/AskReddit Thread