Cheated on my ex of 5+ years “Matt", with “John". Went through enormous growth and had a week of the best sex ever in Tuscany. Happiest I've ever been.
The guilt and aftermath of the break up was so overwhelming that I'm still recovering from depression. But yet I'm the happiest I've ever been. The relationship with Matt was shit, he was a sweet guy with a good heart but a terrible boyfriend. We were each others' firsts; lasting from high school - uni. Sex was boring and rare, he had no hobbies, interests, and he was just overall difficult to speak to about a number of things. Huge contrarian. We had major compatibility issues. But he was loyal, kind and extremely attractive. When I tried breaking up, he would break down and say we could make it work. I stayed because I didn't think it'd be possible to find an interesting, attractive guy who is also very loyal. I didn't want to punish the 'good guy'. Met John while on a trip. He looked like James Bond, and was just as suave. We hit it off effortlessly. Handsome, tall, fun, intelligent as fuck, funny, open minded, creative, AND morally grounded. I knew I wanted to date him after a few weeks of getting to know each other but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression of me. It became, after a while, impossible to ignore the very obvious attraction between us. I tried to stay away, but we were staying in the same place. The number of things we had in common were just... Astounding.. We study the same subject, love the same obscure-ish bands, share the same passions, and philosophical beliefs but with enough differences to keep things interesting. We would catch each other staring often, and finish each others sentences over dinner, it was so bad other people were commenting on the chemistry. We would linger on the balcony long after everyone would go to sleep, just to keep talking, and talking and talking. The tension was maddening. So one day I told him everything. I told him my relationship issues, I admitted that it's obvious we are insanely attracted to each other. I didn't want to break up with Matt when it could just be infatuation, and I told him I know nothing about him. Explained that I don't believe in jumping on the next attractive or compatible mate that comes along, or else how would anyone be faithful? He didn't pressure me at all, he told me to speak to Matt about the relationship issues instead and do what I want to do. When it came time to leave, I thought fuck it, I'm ending it with Matt, whether it works out with John or not, and so we went off to have a week of passionate sex in Tuscany. I was convinced that that week was going to be the best week of my life.
But now whenever he comes to visit me from England during school holidays, we have an equally incredible time together, with less wine and pasta, but magical nonetheless. We're going to be celebrating our second anniversary this summer with moving in together. We're still thinking about how we'll tell our future kids about how we met without teaching them to be assholes.
Matt is doing well, though of course I know I disappointed him and broke his heart. The guilt for doing so is the anchor for my depression, but slowly I'm learning to forgive myself. I hope he meets the woman of his dreams some day, he could make a different lady very happy.