[Serious] Cheaters of Reddit, why are you currently cheating on your SO?

I'll answer this one. I had always had a suspicion and according to her, it was never really there to begin with, though we were more frequent the first few years we were together (but not by much). It was mostly because she thought I would require it to keep her around.

Things died down about a year or so after we got married. I knew something was up though when we went 14 months without anything happening at all. I was worried, so I tried to push things, which only stressed her out and made her unhappy which in turn made me very unhappy. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind. She was gay. She was cheating. She doesn't love me. I've suddenly gotten ugly. So I confronted her about it and she confessed that she doesn't ever really want it, not that she absolutely hates it, but it's so low on the list of things she wants to do it doesn't even register. She doesn't know why, it's just a thing. She only had sex with me so often because she thought that that's what was expected of her. It wasn't until she read something about people being born aesexual like people are born being gay that that's what she figured she was. It was like a lightbulb went off for her, and in a different way for me.

So it was a hurdle we had to overcome, but in some ways it was really, really relieving. I suddenly realized that hey, all of my effort trying to do well in the bedroom and her ending underwhelmed wasn't all my fault. She wasn't cheating. She wasn't gay. She didn't stop loving me, though I guess I must admit this probably means she doesn't see me as sexually attractive. Whatever.

So, I don't know. We try to make things work and we're doing okay but a lot of the time it feels like we're handling something super fragile. It's hard to describe. It's stressful. Over time, things just fell back to place and the infrequent sex is just a natural part of our relationship.

We have a really good marriage and she means the world to me. She knows this. I know this. Things could be a lot worse though. So I'm very lucky.

/r/AskReddit Thread