[Serious] Counselors of reddit, many redditors suggest couples counseling for relationship problems. What kind of problems can usually be worked out, and which ones are pretty sure to result in a breakup? And how often does a couple surprise you by defying your initial expectations?

If you visit the /r/raisedbynarcissists sub, you'll see why.

Out of the countless threads and posts you can read from thousands of scenarios -- very rarely is there a happy ending where the narcissist "come around" in the end. The only truly effective technique is NC (no contact).

The problem with narcissists is that they lack self-awareness and think nothing is wrong with them, no matter what the situation is. No amount of logic or reason or emotion will work. Nothing is ever their fault: it's yours. If they do something bad, they don't care. Maybe they think you deserved it, or they'll insist they were joking or that it wasn't a big deal. Anything good that happens is entirely because of them: you contributed nothing. They often lie pathologically and gaslight routinely. They'll say and do crazy/cruel things and then act like you're insane later -- they never did or said that! You must have a vivid imagination. They are the best at everything. They are jealous and petty -- they will want you to be rich and successful so you can provide for them, but at the same time, they will try to sabotage and destroy you because they'll be jealous of you. They have to be the bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral: they crave attention. They often have incredibly fragile egos, short tempers, and long (and very selective) memories. They'll act like any small thing they do for you is a huge undertaking that they'll never let you forget, and meanwhile any big thing you do for them gets cast aside as trivial.

I'm leaving out a lot of detail here but long story short, if you're with a narcissist, you are basically living for that person to serve all their needs, without any needs of your own. You cannot reason with them, you cannot convince them, you cannot get them to see things from your perspective or offer the tiniest bit of empathy. Everything is a mind game to them. If they're acting like they're coming around, it's only so you'll let your guard down.

Dealing with a narcissist is such a fucking headache that it's often impossible to change them. Your only real mode of recourse is to detach yourself, cease contact, and get away.

/r/AskReddit Thread Parent