The Sleep timer just died on my tv for the second time. I’ve scrolled through probably 3,000 Reddit posts since I got into bed 4 hours ago. I have a job interview in the morning, like I did yesterday morning, but I’m probably going to skip it for the second time because I honestly haven’t felt motivated to leave my room.

Despite constant improving health and overall positive changes in my life mentally I’m feeling more and more taxed constantly. What cost a penny mentally a year ago seems to break the bank today. I tried to get help, but the real help isn’t an affordable option right now.

I stared at this for a long time because I wanted to just delete it all like I do with about 90% of the things I wanna post.

The only reason I legitimately haven’t killed myself is I want to make sure my mom gets a good life without losing anyone else. I know it’s a pipe dream and far from reality, but in the back of my mind it’s what I say to get through the day. Now if only I could actually make it to that job interview.