[Serious] Does masturbation occur in the military? Is it non-existent?

One time in basic, there were like six of us in the latrine doing a cleaning detail. We were all chatting about random stuff, when one guy says "hey, I saw someone in one of the stalls the other day, and they weren't taking a shit, if you catch my drift."

Quick side note: no one in basic training admits to jerking it, but everyone does it. It would seem gay to beat off when you're surrounded by dudes for weeks at a time. So when this guy claimed that he caught a dude pounding off, we were all secretly afraid that it was us he had caught. So we all starting trying to "casually" get him to tell us who it was, but he wouldn't name the culprit. Somewhat like the head lice episode from South Park.

After about five minutes, the guy finally comes clean and says "I didn't catch anyone beating off, but the look on you guys' faces just now was priceless" and then we all started laughing, and one by one we admitted to jerking off during basic. Then we started discussing different times that we'd done it, times we'd almost been caught, techniques, things we'd used for lube etc. etc.

The discussion started to get pretty hot and heavy. I looked over and saw one of my battle buddies had his hand in his pocket, and it was moving around in a very "animated" fashion. I asked him, "hey dude, are you jerking it right now?!" laughing really hard, and then he said "no way!" but really sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Then one of the other guys was like, "yeah, I'm totally not jerking it right now either haha" and we all cracked up because his hand was in his pocket too, and it was really obvious that this dude was taking a one-man trip down to pound-town.

"WELL I'M SUPER NOT MASTURBATING RIGHT NOW" this other guy bellowed, as he pulled his erect cock out of his pants and started stroking it and breathing super heavy. We all totally lost it, cracking up like crazy, and then all of us just whipped it out and started totally not jerking it. But then the guy who'd started it all busted his nut, which was over the line. We kicked the shit out of him and then went back to cleaning the latrine.

/r/AskReddit Thread