Yes and I was a dick too.
I was with a girl for 7 years. SEVEN years and guess what? I was never attracted to her. I didn't do this for personal gain, I did it because I loved her, as a friend.
She has no luck with boyfriends and I wanted to show her a good time, nice meal, treat her like a goddess for once. I didn't realise how selfish I was being.
After the first week I didn't have the heart to tell her I just wanted to be friends and basically, like a coward, I went along with it. Because I only loved her as a friend I was never the boyfriend I should have been, how could I be? I didn't think of her like that. Her family loved me too, and I loved them back. It was madness. I knew I loved these people, I knew they would strive to make me happy as they always had, I even knew if she got pregnant they would buy us a house and a car and all the trimmings, I could have planned out my whole life then and there, but I knew what I felt.
I went on holidays with them, I went on days out with her father. We went to freaking Disneyland (I was 25 and I fucking loved it) and all the while I was willing myself to love her as the woman she was, and not just a bro. It never happened, and seven years in, I reach my tether and I just end it, shattering her heart and probably her families. Still to this day (5 years on) she messages me, and I know I could walk straight back into that life, and right now in the sess pit I currently live in, its appealing, but I will never forgive myself for the first time. I could never do it again.
Right now I am lonely, and depressed and live in a shithole, and I would do anything for that feeling of belonging, and to feel that level of love being bestowed on me, I just couldn't break another heart to get it. Its made me very upset just typing this out. I miss that life so much, and I know that nobody will ever love me as much as she did.
What a rotten piece of vermin I am. I owe the world big time, and I am trying my best to pay that debt, but if I ever stop feeling guilty about it, I will have failed.